Habit Control...

As most of us know, the more you do of something, it becomes more and more of a habit. Like brushing your teeth for instance. Most of us do it twice a day, and we hardly think about it, you just do it... A lot of these habits you just do without really knowing why.

As you might just be in our little self improvement world, you just might happen to be aware of the fact that good habits are a key to your success, and oftentimes bad habits are what brings us down and prevents us from reaching our goals.

Say you're in the HABIT of meditating every morning (which sadly, I'm not... I should be though) for 30 minutes or an hour, then you'll have the lifestyle you want in no time, all without really thinking about it! Or maybe you're in the habit of doing a 100 push ups and running 3 miles every day. Boom, you'll be totally lean in no time at all, again without really thinking too much about it.

Same thing would apply if you're in the habit of feeling bad about yourself every time you see someone else jogging by... You'd then ruin your physique instead. Crushing the bad habits is also essential because they're like roadblocks on the success highway.

Once you have established some super habits, you'll be living your desires faster than sound!!". You just have to make sure that the habit is a good one, like meditating for example.
Now the difficulty with this is the part where you actually have to establish the habit in the first place. The first few weeks and months will be pretty rough with repeating the same thing every day over and over.
Habits work in the way that by repeating a certain task enough times, your brain kinda moves that task over to the subconscious mind to take care of so your conscious mind doesn't have to.
I'd take a wild guess and tell you that smoking and drinking would be the most well known bad habits, and it gets ingrained even more deeply by the additives and toxic stuff.

So I've been blogging now for a few months. Guess what that has evolved into?

Yep, a habit. I'd say it's a good one... I have days where I go "Have I blogged yet today?" and I actually forget if I have posted or not on that day. It's pretty cool to realize this stuff and be aware of how your habits have evolved... I have like 10+ posts now.
I don't know what else to say on the subject, so just go and get yourself some awesome habits, I suggest meditation and I'm gonna attempt that one too.

How to Pass Time

Hmm.. I think many of us really dont have things to do when we want to kill the time. Isn't it?

In the movie 'Lakshya', there is a very small conversation between Hrithik Roshan & Priety Zinta. I dont know how many of us have noticed it, else how many of us have watched this movie. Well either the case, it goes something like this:

HR : Neha, Tu kya kar rahi hai? Mujhey bahut bore maar raha hai. Time hi nahi jaa raha hai!!
PZ : Karan how can you even say that ki tujhey bore maar raha hai. Agar deka jaye tho duniya mein inti cheezin hai ki sochney baito tho time hi kam padega. Aur tum boltey ho ki time nahi jaa raha hai. Disgusting.

By briniging this, what I want to convey is that Yes, there are 'n' no. of things in life to do, to think, to act upon. So there is no point that a human is feeling bored and wishes to kill his time!!!
Whether it be at a bus stop waiting a Bus, or waiting at the doctor's surgery, thumbing through countless old magazines, waiting to be called, our lives often seem to grind to a halt and all of a sudden we're acutely aware of the passage of time. Time seems to draaaaag and the hands on the clock hardly appear to move at all. We often say that we have 'time on our hands'. Well, if time is in our hands, how do we go about wringing its bloody neck? Isn't it..??

I will list some of my favourite passtime activities which I usually do when I really want to move on...

• I find a good way to pass the time is to look at people! I can't really explain it too well, but just look at a person, what they look like, what they're wearing, how they walk etc and just think that this person has a whole history and past life and thoughts etc and you just get so amazed about how many people there are that are all totally different. You sink into deep philosophical thought and time passes really quickly! Works for me anyway! Try it.
• If you have a few moments to spare (or the odd afternoon) try some peaceful meditation - it can be achieved without strange postures or chanting. It's just a way of being aware of the non-physical qualities we all have like love, self-respect and co-operation. Allow your real personality a few minutes to emerge, and draw strength from the stability that is part of the inner self.
• When killing time, how about thinking of various stratagems of how one can win noughts and crosses? You will lose against yourself and win against yourself.
• Think of a word or phrase, then another related to it, then one related to that one, and so on.
• Name a railway station and the next person has to name one beginning with the last letter of the last station you named. After a few attempts at this you will astonished at how many station you soon find that begin with K.
• Listing things mentally is the most effective time-waster... you're thinking of all the things you will do, one day, when you get around to it, and you're not worried about why you have time to kill - you can really let your mind go... Dream the impossible and formulate tuffest schemes to be done... tomorrow, of course.
  I usually kill time by making lists of everything I would do if I only had the time. I start with categorising the activities into work-related, home-related and personal. Then I list the activities, functions, hobbies and ideas in a random order - this usually will take up the time that I have to kill.
  In the event that I do still have some time left, I sort them in alphabetical order per category. Should I still need to kill more time, I proceed to prioritise them in order of preference, descending order of cost and ascending order of time necessary to plan and organise the activity...
• Get out a pen and pad of paper, write a nifty heading on the top, eg 'Plans for a Horror Film', 'Things I Must Do Tomorrow' or 'Why I Hate Yoghurt'. Then either fill out one sheet of the paper relevant to your heading or proceed to stare off into space for half an hour pretending to think about the list when actually you have completely switched off.
• While away waiting time by taking in everything about your surroundings - the buildings, the clothes people wear, the state of the roads. Then try to think about it, and why it got to be that way. It helps to while away the time, particularly when there is little else happening around - particularly useful in railway stations, for some reason.
• When it comes to killing time you cannot beat doinglittle jobs you keep putting off because they aren't really important, such as:
  -> Organise your book/CD/DVD/video/cassette collection into intuitive order (an order that is natural to you rather than in alphabetic order or other divisions), this is useful as every time you get a new book/CD/DVD/video/cassette it could require you to change the entire order. Which is a good thing... right?
  -> Looking for all those items you have lost over the years, irrespective of whether this is the house you lost them in.
  -> Deciding which games to take off your PC to optimise space when you have 30GB spare.
  -> Trying to organise that pile of mixed notes you never got round to sorting before your course finished.
  -> Starting to clean a room that you are loath to clean, which is also good inspiration for finding tasks to kill time.
• That's what I do. Hell, I even do it when I'm not trying to make time pass... For non-drummers, try replaying songs precisely in your head as you remember hearing them. When waiting for a bus for more than an hour, I often start talking to myself and doing strange voices. A few days ago I got so carried away with doing Himesssss Rimpressions that I gave myself a sore throat. huh..!!

Finally, Don't ever, ever, think about what it is you are waiting for, as Murphy's Law applies in all cases. The more you think about it, the slower the time goes!! The more time you have; the more you would like to waste it....!!

The Stranger!!!!

A few years after I was born, my dad met a stranger who was new to our small home. From the beginning, Dad was fascinated with this enchanting newcomer and soon invited him to live with our family.

The stranger was quickly accepted and was around from then on. As I grew up, I never questioned his place in my family. In my young mind, he had a special niche. My parents were complementary instructors: Mum taught me good from evil, and Dad taught me to obey. But the stranger ..... he was our storyteller. He would keep us spellbound for hours on end with adventures, mysteries, and comedies. If I wanted to know anything about politics, history or science, he always knew the answers about the past, understood the present and even seemed able to predict the future!

He took my family to the football and cricket. He made me laugh, and he made me cry. The stranger never stopped talking, but Dad didn't seem to mind. Sometimes, Mum would get up quietly while the rest of us were shushing each other to listen to what he had to say, and she would go to the kitchen for peace and quiet. (I wonder now if she ever prayed for the stranger to leave.)

Dad ruled our household with certain moral convictions, but the stranger never felt obligated to honor them. Profanity, for example, was not allowed in our home ... not from us, our friends or any visitors. Our longtime visitor, however, got away with four-letter words that burned my ears and made my dad squirm and my mother blush. My dad didn't permit the liberal use of alcohol. But the stranger encouraged us to try it on a regular basis. He made cigarettes look cool, cigars manly and pipes distinguished. He talked freely (much too freely) about sex. His comments were sometimes blatant, sometimes suggestive, and generally embarrassing.

I now know that my early concepts about relationships were influenced strongly by the stranger. Time after time, he opposed the values of my parents, yet he was seldom rebuked ... And NEVER asked to leave.

More than 23 years have passed since the stranger moved in with our family. He has blended right in and is not nearly as fascinating as he was at first. If you could walk into my parents' den today, you would still find him sitting over in his corner, waiting for someone to listen to him talk and watch him draw his pictures.

His name?

We just call him, 'TV.'

I've learnt that....

I've learnt that...

...you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them.

...no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back. (really learned a lot..but still I do care for each and every friend of mine regardless not expecting nething in return.)

...it takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it. (In my 23 years if experience with life, i really dont know how many trusts I've broken, but nothing was intentionally. If you are among one of them, just wants to tell you, I'm SORRY)

...it's not what you have in your life, but who you have in your life that counts. (Thanks Ma & Pa, Thanks My amazing friends and my Job and thanks for this wonderful Lady in Life who always encourages me to write more and love more and more my own life, thanks a lott Reema for being attached with me like this. You are simply Great.)

...you can do something in an instant that will give you a heartache for life. (Sorry to each and eveyone who is reading this, as I know yyou were one of my victim.)

...you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

...we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. (My words were always more sharpen then the SWORD, hope many among you will accept that.)

...there are people who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it. (I know dad you love me a lott more than anything..heh...)

...true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance (Abhilash hmm.. thanks a lott buddy.... never thought even in my dreams that we will meet again like this that too on the day when I deleted my account). Same goes for true love. (Do I even need to mention. How can I forget you my girl. Well who knows better than you and Ms.Prioirty- Amita Shah)

...no matter how good a friend someone is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. (Countless ...hehe..well that's all what I can mention..lolzz...)

...no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

...we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change. (Especially written this for one of close friend, is she reads this and also if those who know her.)

...you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life forever. (I almost lost my past in that.......)

...there are many ways of falling and staying in love. (like asking scissors from a rickshwala, lolzz)

...the people you care most about in life are taken from you to soon.

...every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch-holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.

I still have a lot to learn...... & and i'm doing that..everyday......

9.42 ke Meri Thane Local.....

I left my office with my mate Anu to the Vikroli Railway Station. I was tapping my feet to the rhythm of Ace Of Base Remixez (in my iPOd).

Somehow I managed to reach the station and enterted Platform No.1 to catch the Train.We both were standing near on the First-Class Section {well just wanted to tell you that I travel in 1st Class :) } & back to that there was this Station Master's Office and also next to that there was Ticket Checker's Office.
After some moment I just got realised to my own fact that my MOnthly pass has got expired on 30.June.2008. Alas!!!!!! I'm without TICKET. The moment I realised, a current of fear ran in my whole body. And to increase my Blood Pressure; the Ticket Checker came and started talking to us. I was on my highest point of Blood Pressure;

Again to add on my f***** fear, my friend with so much excitment asked him,

Uncle, How you catch those who dont have valid ticket

and My Jesus, you know what he replied, he replied that

Beta, I can just read the face and get to know that this guy dont have ticket.

There was lil laugh in my mind and was abusing him for his lies. Hahaha.. I just cant imagine that scene again.

Suddenly I got an idea, I told my friend that I'm damn hungry and going to take something and asked him if he needs something. He replied 'NO'. So I told him, just wait for 05 mins,will be back. I walked straight (with all my will power) to the EXIT of the Station and came around to the Ticket COunter; I took a ticket for Thane and again came back to my friend with Lil happyess, excitment and something more which I just cant explain.

Then the best time of life came when I asked the TC that

Do you really catch the guys from their Face?'

.He replied (I could see all the years experience down his face)

Yeah, do you have any doubt on this?

I replied: Yeah, I do, Because how you managed to ignore me.

My friend was like "Ohh..Shijn you pass tho got expired yesterday right !!!!" and then he counted the incident back as in why I asked him for the Food.

Then we literally made that TC to feel exhausted to the Core.

I told him

Uncle, there will be exceptions when the Guys have innocent faces like me

Hahah..haha..One of my most whacked incidents to count on in my life.Finally Got the 9.42Pm Thane Local....and the Journey started again.!!

Moral of my Incident: Never loose your Hope whenever, wherever.

3 Deadly Mistakes People Make In Relationships

Everything seems great at first but why is it that some relationships just tend to go downhill after a while?
No matter how hard the couples might try but nothing seems to work and it doesn't seem to get back on the right track. You see we make lot of mistakes with our relationships due to which we suffer in the long term. This is the reason why it's important to know how to avoid them and what they are than to suffer it's consequences.

Not being clear with the goals- Often people do enter into relationship but are not sure about where to take that relationship. They want to one thing but they are never able to stick to it. One partner says one thing while other says something else which often leads to the atmosphere of conflict due to which relationship does not survive long. This is the reason why it's extremely important to be clear about your goals with the relationship and where you want to take it.

Stop being demanding- A lot of the times we get real demanding since we feel our partner is not committed enough anymore. You see demanding more under this situation will only make you more insecure due to which you will further push your partner away.

Try to spend short but quality time- Another big mistake a lot of people make out there is that they don't seem to spend much time with their partner due to which the relationship starts falling apart. You see what's the use of being in a relationship if you don't have enough time for your partner? Therefore make it a point to spend some quality time with your partner everyday no matter what!!

"If you CAN'T UNDERSTAND your partner; then DON'T even MISUNDERSTAND him/her."

How To Survive When Relationship Breaks Down...

Relationship is a beautiful feeling and a wonderful experience. One tends the relationship as one cares for a tender plant. One gives ones whole being to the relationship. The breakdown therefore becomes unbearable. How to survive relationship breakdown?

1. Stop Thinking About why?
Most of the people who suffer with breakdown of relationship keep thinking about the reasons. They analyze again and again. Their mind keeps thinking of the reasons the relationship broke down. They speak to their family and friends and seek their opinion. Sometimes they find that their partner was guilty and other times they blame themselves. This is an unending process. There is no use analyzing the reasons. At least do not do that immediately after the breakdown. You can peacefully do that after about a year to make an unemotional analysis.

2. Do things differently-
I have observed that all of us have habit of doing our daily chores in the same way everyday. Watch when you step out of your home. Which leg do you lift first? You will do this everyday. Similarly watch the way you brush your teeth, your sleeping position, the way you wear your clothes. You will find that you have programmed yourself to do everything in the same way everyday. When you have a relationship breakdown, try reversing all the orders. If it is your left leg that you lift first while walking, lift your right leg. You will be surprised at the new experience of doing everything differently. This breaks the monotony of life and gives mind a new direction in thinking.
It is not very easy to survive breakdown easily. The higher the attraction, the higher will be the shock. The closer you are, the break up will give you more shock. Some out of us expect the relationship to break sooner or later. They are pessimists and call themselves practical. These people are never surprised if the relationship breaks. They may wonder about the reasons but will not suffer trauma. On the other extreme, we have some people who believe that they are made for each other and that the relationship, the loyalty and the faithfulness will last for the life and if possible beyond. Such people are vulnerable to pain and may need psychiatric help.

The more you think about the past; the more you making yourself a LOOSER. Never run from the past, as you cant avoid it; But you can wll learn from that.
So, You may have many pasts in your life but at the end what you have got in your hand is ONE LIFE. You got an option to live with the pain & trauma of your past and other hand you have a peaceful life.....
So think it and chooose the best for you....!

Challenges...

First and Foremost thing i would like to say you is this, that "In the whole universe there is only one person, who can help you; and that person is you and only you, and nobody other than you can help you."

Yeah what others can do is they can give u some advice and suggestion which they feel is the best to use in challenges, as they would have used those kind of solution in their tough times and that worked for them(though not always) or they would have got those ideas from their mentors.

So the best thing what others ( including me) can do is this, that we can give you advice & solution what we feel will be the best for you, but we can't help you to take you out of your challenges, because we are not in your shoes. We can see your challenge, we can understand what are you going through , but we can never feel your challenges, as you feel it, because your and ours life situation, circumstances , environment etc...are completely different So its you who has to think and think what best u can do to come out of your challenge. Ya you must take others experience and advice so that you have more choices to think what will work for you.

Challenge which you are facing is a very common challenge as many people would have gone through this part in their life towards their growth. Recognizing this challenge itself says that u are growing and this is just one of the process towards your growth. Just think gold has to go through the fire to become pure. Same is with the people who have the real spark of growing in their life has to go through different kinds of challenges at different parts of life. Remember if there is no challenge then there is no growth.

So first and foremost take a break from everything, from business, family, parents etc... and go for a small or long ( what ever u feel comfortable) holiday trip. Do what u feel like doing ( provided you should not feel regret later, so choose the activities properly) and enjoy the most what you are doing.

Start doing meditation every day, if u feel meditation is a tough task then take some time for yourself everyday, sit in isolated place and think about yourself about your goal, about your past (only happiness part, never give a damn about what worst happened in your life, learn from the past mistakes), about your future etc... think what u feel like which will give you relaxation or do anything what u feel like for eg: listening music, or going for a drive, but remember u should be alone, no wife, no friends, no parents, no mobile, no tv, nothing, only you with yourself and your activities which make you relaxed.

Join some outdoor activity which make your body work out, it can be anything like aerobices, cycling, excercise, gym, cricket, swmming anything which u like.

Then most of the time be with those ppl who always apperciates and encourages you and your work and never give negative critics. ya listen and introspect all the positive criticism and always ignore negative critics. Again learn from the Critics towards you. Try to be a goo d listener rather than getting into any debates.

Stop gossiping and criticizing others with your friends, if your are doing that then you also have to face that. So better be a good friend. If you need a good friend then first be a good friend to yourself. Try to respect yourself first.

Note all your official challenge and personal challenge into a paper and start exploring it one by one on how to solve it. Take others advice if required, but remember don't take others decision, just take their advice and you decide what to do.

Stop blaming & complaining and take responsibility of your own life. You got only one life; make the best of it.

Things will come back on track if you want them to come back to your own track..!!!

Celebrate Life..Everyday...

• Find yourself in a deep trauma, day after day?

• Same old boring routine with no hope of a change in scene in the near conceivable future?

• Life is so dull and boring that even watching a re-run of a not so favorite soap is better than nothing?

Hey, come on, shake yourself out of it. Life is meant to be enjoyed in all its glorious hues. Every day is cause for celebration, every moment is to be lived to its fullest potential.

You know, life can be whatever you want it to be. Life is not always about choices; it doesn’t always have to be this or that. It can be this and that.

I love life and I find a gazillion reasons to celebrate life. It’s not only birthdays, anniversaries etc which get celebrated out here. It’s every day and every moment. I find it more interesting when my girl is away from me; because that makes my love & time foe her more dedicated and gives me the reason to wait for another day thinking that there she is coming...!!!!

I want to show you how I liven up my life. Just take a leaf out of my book and I assure you your zest for life will really take you places.

Celebrate the Fact That You Are Alive:

• Celebrate the sheer fact that you are alive. Alive and in good health.

If there are children in the family, celebrate the fact that you are alive and have been given an opportunity to spend time with them and see them grow.

Celebrate the Fact That You Are Getting Opportunities:

• Try to learn something new everyday. It could be a new hobby like cooking or karate or a new game or a course which you never got time to finish in college or school or a booty shaking classes. Celebrate the fact that you are getting the opportunity now. Hmm...Like my friend Arvind Bhat (Age : 32; loll not a lame guys)..learning Dance...oopss soorry...Salsa, Jive...which concludes that life isnt just about a 9-5 job.. Just take a deep thought and there is goes....
  

• Celebrate the fact that with internet and email, the world is a much smaller place to be in.

• Even if you’ve been through bad times or going through a bad time, celebrate the fact that you have been given the strength to bear it. Good times will come again. Life isn't just about winning, Learn from the past rather than going on working why it went wrong.
  

Celebrate the Fact That You Have Free Time On Your Hands:

• Take a much needed vacation or cruise. Revel in the fact that you got your chance or at least back pack it because opportunity knocks only once! Or at least get away for a weekend.

• If you have a lot of free time on hand, celebrate the fact that you suddenly have the time to catch up on the reading which you’ve always been wanting to.

Go out on a picnic and enjoy the local sights which you’ve never had the time for till now.

Celebrate the fact that you have free time on your hands and go visit your favorite spa or beauty parlor. Aah, bliss! loll...there is a special reason why I included this line here and the reason is my Girl. She is just exclusively enjoying the days of her life...

• Catch up with old friends whom you’ve lost touch with and celebrate the fact that you’ve been given this moment to get in touch with them again. I always avoided to be in touch with my old friends and cause of this there were times when I failed to recognize them...shame on me. But now I learned to get the hold of them.ha ha by hook or by crook;
  

Celebrate Everyday Events:

• Set small goals for every day and if you complete it by the end of the day, that sure is cause for celebration. (Whatever I'm today is just cause of this; My Dad's own methodology to celebrate life like this and got fortunately inherited to me.
  

• Celebrate the fact that you have successfully maintained your diet today. Ha ha... :) Sorry I wont write more on this; as my folk thinks that this way my celebrations are putting on.
  

• Celebrate the fact that you haven’t lost your temper all day.

• Celebrate the fact that you didn’t procrastinate on unpleasant jobs.

• Celebrate big time if you’ve been able to help somebody today.

So, come on. I have given you umpteen reasons to celebrate. I am sure after reading this; you will find a gazillion reasons to celebrate too.

I live life each day as if it’s my first and last. I enjoy and savor every moment. So, I’m able to get the best out of life.

My parents, my job, my girl (regardless to say Reema Shah -> how can I forget you honey), my taste towards my life gives me infinite reason to smile everyday & celebrate my life in its own way.

Your Self Image And Success

People want to make money, and get rich, happy etc. Many people have not scratched the surface of success, so they simply do not know that they must change to succeed. The biggest denominator that makes people succeed or fail is usually down to self image and values, and belief systems. Change the image, change the results.

The self image is a crucial subject. How you think of yourself determines who you think you are. For most materialistic people who have not looked at personally developing themselves do not realize that our beliefs determine our actions, and those actions will either take us to our goal or away from our goals.

Someone who is or has been on welfare, may have enjoyed the benefits of welfare, but has not realized the cost to how they view there own worthiness. The doctor with a doctor self image will treat patients and get them well, whereas a doctor with a poor self image may soon find they are looking for other occupations!

This may seem hard to grasp, especially if you think that there is some precarious higher power that dishes out abundance to whom it pleases. God helps those who help themselves.

Your image of yourself determines your values, and your actions. A doctor heals, whereas a soldier wants to save its own sides people, and eliminate the enemy. I remember speaking to a friend recently. When giving him brief coaching to help him get more out of life, I realized that even though he wanted more success, his self image was one of being one of the crowd; not to rise, and not to move forward on goals because of fear of ridicule. This type of self image destroys dreams, and if the self image is not changed, then the results stay same as today and yesterday.

Imagine going to another country, your choice of destination for a vacation. Where you are now, and where that destination is, is a different place. It requires changes. If you imagine a city suburb, and that is where you are, and your chosen destination is a tropical sunny place with great nature sceneries, then there must be changes! This is same with most people, change the self image, and change the result.

The key to change is awareness, and it begins with questions. Who am I? What am I? Who are my top 5 friends? What do I value most? Taking an inventory about yourself shows more about your self image.

The next step is to consider who you want to be? Look at role models, after all there must be someone who has achieved what you want to achieve. Take a look at what they do, how they do it. If you do not have immediate access to this person, then find their biography or as much information about them. Modeling your role model is a great way to get yourself in a position to think and act as they do.

Modeling the best is a great way to achieve the success you want to achieve. Your self image is a crucial part of the process of change. If you have not achieved a result before, then it is going to require change. As your self image changes, your thoughts change, your actions change, and ultimately you get the results you want.

Live Your Dreams - Six Steps To Success And A Life You Love....

Here's an easy way to remember the six main steps to a life that's successful -- in whatever way you choose to define success. The key is in the word DREAMS. Dreams are where we start, and each letter of the word is also a reminder of another important step.

D: Start with a dream.

Obvious, right? We all want to retire to a tropical island and spend our days on the beach drinking cocktails. Oh, you don't drink? And you'd rather be climbing mountains? Oh well, everyone's different. What's your dream? The better you understand what you're looking for, and WHY, the more chance you have of achieving it.

R: Recognise Where You Are

It might be a long way from where you are now to where you want to be, but I guarantee if you look hard enough at your life now, you will start to find the talents and resources you need. Have the challenges of your life made you quick-thinking and persuasive, or doggedly determined? Are you wildly creative or a brilliant organiser? These are the skills that will help you along the way.

E: Examine Your Options

You know where you are, and where you want to get to. Now you can start thinking about the route. Are there things you need to learn? Resources you need to acquire? Be wary of assuming you need to earn a fortune before you start. Far more people make their fortune as a result of living their dreams, and helping others live theirs, than live their dreams as a result of chasing a fortune. If you can't find a creative way to get what you need, ask a friend or a coach to brainstorm with you.

A: Act

This one's short and sweet, but unmissable if you want to get anywhere. As soon as you have a reasonable idea of your route, set out. You can always correct your course later, and you'll learn far more by getting out there and exploring the territory than by sitting at home examining the map.

M: Monitor Progress

Once you've got moving, don't forget to keep track of your progress. Notice what's working and what's not, and whenever something's not working, go back to looking at the options and seeing what you could do differently. And, when something is working, don't forget the final step...

S: Succeed and Celebrate!

Of course, the life of your dreams at the end is a huge reward. But don't forget to enjoy the journey too. When you reach a milestone, take a moment to rest, admire the view and the progress you've made, and reward yourself with a healthy treat!

Where Do Goals Come From?

What gives rise to your goals? What determines whether you even set goals at all?
I believe the answer is your context. Your context is your collection of beliefs about reality. It’s the soil in which your thoughts grow.

For example, if you have very materialistic goals and have become skilled at achieving them, then you probably have a very materialistic context. Your beliefs about reality are rooted in materialism.

This is just common sense, right? You will tend to take actions that seem reasonable to you. And the question of reasonableness is answered by your context. What is reasonable to you depends on how you happen to view reality.

You don’t actually make any decisions based on reality itself, do you? You make decisions based on your interpretation of reality. Your sensory input, your memories, and your thoughts and beliefs comprise your map of reality. You ultimately base your decisions on this map.
So where does context come from?

For the most part, we inherit it. We learn our contexts by absorbing the contexts of other people. We’re conditioned by our upbringing, education, family, community, government, media, the Internet, etc. The people we meet, the books we read, the things we see on TV — these all contribute to our context. They help us determine how to interpret reality. Even this web site is making a small contribution towards shaping your context.

For example, what is marriage? Is it a legal arrangement? A religious sacrament? A connection between soulmates? Dependent on the couple? How you answer this question will depend on your context. Ask different people and you’ll get different answers.

After reaching adulthood most people don’t change their context much. It’s possible that you may set and achieve many goals but barely question your context at all. It’s like being a farmer who grows crops year after year in essentially the same soil, the same plot of land. It seems very natural and normal to do this. It’s simply a matter of doing what you’ve always been doing.
You can achieve some interesting results in life just by living within your current context. But if you learn how to manipulate your context as well, you can gain access to an even greater field of experiences.

Every context is a lens through which you view reality, and each lens will enhance some parts of your life and weaken others. The problem is that most people have grown so used to their current context that they forget they have one. Thus, they mistake their context for reality itself rather than seeing it for the lens it is. Over the next few weeks, I’m going to help you to better understand your own context and to give you the tools to make changes at that level.

How to Win an Argument...??

How do you handle the situation where the other person continually sucks you into an argument that you never seem to be able to win?

In a typical argument, each person tries to prove themselves right and the other person wrong. Of course, we all know what happens in the end — each person only ends up more entrenched in their views, regardless of who seems to deliver the most dominant argument.
An argument cannot be won with resistance. You will only strengthen the other person’s resolve. At best you will both leave in a state of stubbornness, but little communication will have actually occurred.

The way to “win” an argument is to aim for a goal other than being right. The other person will be prepared to defend against someone who is trying to prove themselves right. Trying to prove yourself right and the other person wrong is like making a frontal assault on an entrenched enemy position. You’ll need overwhelming force to win, and your victory will come at great cost, if you can even pull it off. Plus you’ll leave your relationship wounded in the end.
So instead of trying to be right, I’ve found that the best way to win an argument is to go for an entirely different goal. This has worked for me every time I’ve applied it, and I’ve used it dozens of times.

If you aren’t trying to win the argument, then what is your goal? I suggest you set the goal of attempting to raise the other person’s awareness while maintaining your own sense of inner peace. By this I mean that you focus on helping the other person become more aware of the full extent of their behavior and how it affects you and others, but without taking ownership of anything the other person says.

This means you keep your focus on the other person and their behavior. Whenever s/he tries to pigeonhole you into a negative role, you simply side-step their comments and then redirect their own energy back upon them. In a way it’s like verbal martial arts. Never defend against any of their comments. Simply redirect the comments back to the person.

In other words, you don’t attack — ever. You merely deflect the other person’s attacks back to them, over and over. You become like a mirror. So the more the other person tries to attack you, the more they weaken themselves. People can’t punch themselves in the face for too long.
If someone were to try to attack me in an argument, I would just say things like, “You seem to be fairly upset about this. Why do you think that is?” or “So you’re saying you’d like to feel free to disregard my requests if you don’t agree with them. Is that correct?” or “Is this how you’d like to continue to feel about this situation?” or “Do you feel your behavior towards me is honorable and respectful?”

Stay focused on the other person and their feelings, not your own. But don’t take ownership of anything they say. Simply allow it to pass through you like a knife through water and come out the other side. And metaphorically speaking, keep asking the person about the knife they’re holding and how they feel about it.
Usually the other person will start by answering all my questions with the words, “Because you…” My goal is to help guide the other person to focus on their own feelings, and I know I’m making progress when their answers begin taking the form of “Because I…” I help them to take ownership of their feelings.

Remember that if someone offers you a gift, and you decline to accept it, the other person still owns that gift. The same is true of insults and verbal attacks. In order for there to be any sting to the attack, you must accept it. Simply decline the “gift” and the other person won’t be able to land a single blow no matter how hard they try. Be like air or water — if they try to attack you, they merely wear themselves out.

This takes practice, but it works extremely well. The key is to put yourself into a state of compassion and empathy and keep reminding yourself that the negativity isn’t about you — it’s an internal issue the other person is dealing with. So whatever the other person says, you simply reflect it back to them. This will have the effect of raising the other person’s awareness. Many times people can’t handle that, so they’ll either blow up emotionally or give up. Either way, it helps put an end to the previous destructive relationship and paves the way for something better to emerge.

A technique I use to keep myself focused on raising the other person’s awareness is that I form a mental image of that person’s “higher self.” I imagine the best possible form of that person — their soul if you will — standing in the room with us like an apparition. Then I put myself in a state where I feel like I’m channeling the thoughts of that higher self, and I allow the higher self to speak through me and to ask all the questions. This is amazingly effective — in fact, it works so well that I wonder if I am indeed channeling some kind of higher self. I’ve learned to simply trust the words that pop into my mind and speak them, even if they don’t seem like the right thing to say from a logical standpoint. Invariably the questions and observations do help guide the other person to be more in tune with their own highest and best self. They begin seeing their behavior and the relationship in a whole new light, and that’s what often leads to some sort of emotional breakdown. Tears are common.

There are two ways this type of conversation ends — 1) the other person can’t handle facing the situation and basically runs away, or 2) the other person has some kind of emotional catharsis which makes it possible to heal the relationship. Most of the time the outcome is #2 if the relationship bond is fairly strong, and #1 if the relationship bond is weak. I find that typically this takes 2-3 hours of conversation to reach the point of #2. If you hit #1, that’s OK too. Just keep using the same strategy on each encounter, and you’ll eventually hit #2 — either that or you’ll permanently scare the person away from trying to argue with you.

Now if you don’t have this kind of time, then you may want to use a short-cut approach to simply delay the confrontation, or the relationship may be so loose that it’s not worth the effort to raise the other person’s awareness. In that case you can simply deflect the arguments with humor, or you can ignore them altogether.

It does take practice and patience to use this type of approach, and it hinges upon your ability to keep yourself in a high state of awareness, focusing on unconditional love and compassion for the other person. I don’t think of it as having a thick skin but rather as having reflective skin or even no skin. You have to put yourself in a state where you are unattackable. This will frustrate the other person to no end, but that’s the point — to let the other person burn off all their negative energy by swinging at air. And as they grow tired, their own shields will begin to collapse. But instead of attacking at that point, you empathize and connect with them and strive to reconnect them with their truest and best self.

For me this has become an ingrained way of communicating. Whenever I get attacked by someone wanting to provoke an argument, I simply see it as a cry for help. The other person is disconnected from their true self, and my role (time permitting) is to help reconnect them. I can’t do that if I step into the ring with them. But I can let them swing at air and exhaust themselves until they’re ready to face the parts of themselves that are causing them this pain, and then they can begin to reconnect and to heal.

The Meaning of Life....!

One of the major misconceptions about atheists is that we have little or no respect for life - human or otherwise. Because we think that all life is some accidental freak of nature there is no meaning or purpose to it all, and it is all pretty worthless. We cannot possibly gain the same enjoyment and fulfillment from living that believers do. We care nothing for the suffering of others, as they're all just wormfood in the end.

Yes, life on this planet is a lucky accident, probably similar to countless other emergences of life on other planets. No, there is no particular purpose or meaning behind it all - why should there be? What right do we have to consider ourselves special?

However, as an atheist, I consider all (well, most) life to be sacred (if I can use such a word). Atheists know that we only get one chance at life. This is it. This is all you get. No reincarnation, no heaven or hell, no second chances. You only get one go, and to mess it up or waste it is the most terrible thing.

Make the most of your brief span of awareness. Educate yourself so that you can see the wonders of the universe for what they are, without the fog of religious belief. Swim in the Indian Ocean. Watch the sunset at Marine Drive. Tickle a baby. Climb a tree. Learn to unicyle. Massage your partner. Take up pottery. Gain pleasure from making other peoples' lives better. Some people live in appalling conditions, earning in a week what you might earn in one hour (if that). Support an orphanage; which I do by supproting the Nani Kali.

I am often asked "Why bother? If life is a meaningless accident, with no ultimate goal or purpose, why not just kill yourself now? Why not even go on a killing spree and end the worthless lives of everybody else? What stops you ending it all?" To which I would reply - "Have you ever built a snowman?" After all, snowmen are ephemeral objects, soon to be melted in the sun. A snowman has no ultimate purpose or goal, and in a few weeks there will be no trace of it's ever existing. We build snowmen because all of us, theists and atheists, live here and now. In the context of our own brief mortal lives, we are able to enjoy this life and gain pleasure from ultimately pointless acts. It is fun to build a snowman, or climb a mountain, or watch the sunset, or go for a long cycle ride in the countryside. The purpose of these things is not "out there" somewhere, waiting to be achieved - the meaning is in what it means to ourselves. I am not overly concerned about some future fifty billion years from now, but I am concerned about the future of humanity here, now and for the generations that follow. That is the context of a mortal life, and that is why I "bother" to live and damn well have fun while I'm doing it.

There is no meaning to life itself. There is no purpose to the universe. You can, however, give life meaning through your actions. Make the world a better place for yourself, your contemporaries and your descendents.

Atheists can, and often do, lead a full and enjoyable life. We know that this is all we get, and all that everybody else gets, so we do the best that we can for ourselves and others. It's no good praying for people dying in a third-world country - there's no God to help them, only people. If people don't do it, nobody else will. I am sickened whenever there is a major disaster in the world, and some politician or church leader says that the victims desperately need our prayers. No they don't. They need someone to go and dig them out of the rubble, comfort the bereaved, find out why the plane crashed, bring them food and medicine. Prayer is not going to do that - people are. There is an orphanage in Kenya, called the Diani Childrens Village. The kids there have no family at all, and live in, well... a hovel. Do they need prayers and Bibles, or do they need love, money, food, clothes and education?

As an atheist, I consider all life to be sacred. A life and a mind are terrible things to waste. Make the most of them while you can, and help others do the same.

Is that such a Bad Thing?